As magical, amazing, inspiring and fun as Ibiza has been for me so far, it’s brought lots of tears and emotionally difficult days.
Before I left I was intuitively getting the message this would be one of the hardest things I had to do so far. (Idk living in NYC during COVID or getting sick for over a year might be tough competition 😆)
God told me this would be kinda like when a mentor friend of mine did his first 10 day meditation retreat; it’s facing every emotion, fear, anxiety and part of you that you’ve been avoiding. Facing them to their deepest core. It takes more mental strength than anything.
Some days you want to give up.
Being here has tested my faith, my surrender, perseverance, confidence, thought patterns, self worth, my relationship with money, relationship to self, to Mother Nature and to God.
In the past 5 years ever since I figured out I was living on autopilot, and woke up to God shaking me awake, nothing has been the same. Everything I had planned for myself was bombed. I often feel confused like what am I supposed to do! Where am I going! God, what do you want from me? What’s my purpose ya know? Why can’t you just tell me? And he’ll say something like “Don’t you trust me?”
And I’m like HOW. How do I do that! And he says you take one step in the direction of your heart’s desires.
Don’t plan out every detail, don’t try to figure it all out you’ll collapse from the pressure. But I try anyways.
Trying to follow the whispers around me and slowly take one step in front of the other even though I want to run, and leap and peak around the corners at what’s coming next.
But truly I have no idea; I know it involves music and art but no idea what exactly that looks like, where I’ll be living, what job I’ll have next, how long I’m staying in Ibiza, it’s all so uncertain. And ever fiber of me being is fighting the urge to know and to control.
God is telling me to rest, play, & follow my intuition. To trust him and let him handle the plans. I hate it but I’m learning to love it because every day I do, he shows me far greater things than I ever could have imagined for myself. 💗