Abby Roe Steiger.

Harley Quinn Psychic-Witch meets Sweet-and-Innocent Christian Barbie. (Still working on the Christian part).

A girl torn between light and dark, good and bad, sweet and cruel, innocent and sinful, silent and loud, her prominent Virgo and Pisces placements.

Elements buried deep within, suppressed for many generations.

Many conversations with parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and relatives to understand our family.

It has taken me quite some time to uncover and embrace these various aspects of me, which are interwoven into many of the people around me.

The things I once deemed “bad” have a certain good light quality to them. Just as the “good” isn’t always so good.

Growing up, people would often say that I was the “nicest person they’d ever met.”

I was a girl that grew up striving for perfection

A girl that grew up with a goal of straight A’s.

A girl that grew up with a fear of getting in trouble.

A girl that grew up with a fear of doing anything bad.

A girl that grew up wanting to please the teachers.

A girl that grew up wanting to impress my parents.

A girl that grew up remaining silent to keep the peace.

A girl that grew up with a fear of hurting others.

A girl that grew up quitting anything that didn’t come easily.

A girl that grew up replaying every mistake in her head.

A girl that grew up thinking she wasn’t good enough.

A girl that grew up with an immense amount of insecurities.

I took on the role of sweet and innocent Abbey. That’s who I was... right? Right!?? ....right....?
Well, then my job was to “behave,” follow all rules, and please everyone of authority.

My world nearly collapsed when I got my first tardy second semester senior year of high school.
I was supposed to be perfect.

Or when my science teacher told me I’d do better dropping down to “General Level Science.” NO- I HAD to take ALL AP classes. He didn’t understand, that wasn’t an option.

I was Varsity Tennis captain, Yearbook Editor-in-Chief, National Honors Society member, Backpack Tutoring Lead Mentor, Sunday School Teacher, First Mates Leader, International Studies member, Spanish Club member, took nearly all AP courses, was invited to high potential groups, got a 34 on my ACT.

I was like many kids who pushed themselves to the brink of insanity trying to do everything, and be the “most successful” version of themselves... on paper.

I was trying to please others, gain their love and approval through my awards, titles, and achievements.

I thought I was doing great. I was on my way to a respected college, obtaining a degree in Graphic Design, which would then lead to a 9-5 job, then marriage, then kids, then a life happily ever after.

College went a little differently than I anticipated.

College was my first taste of rebellion. Of freedom.

I’m not sure why joining a sorority freshman year with strict rules finally forced me to cave. But with my first taste of freedom, it didn’t make sense for me to follow such strict rules anymore.

So I dropped the sorority after a year, opting to work at the local college bar with my friends. After all... I got paid, freely drank whenever I wanted, had crazy fun coworkers, met tons of interesting people, lots of cute boys, and had some pretty wild benders.

I was finally having fun. I was also breaking tons of rules. I was no longer the “good girl.”

But I still pretended I was... or at least around certain people.

I successfully graduated college and began working a 9-5, with a manager that was also a strict rule follower and closely monitored my attendance and work. I despised it, but enjoyed my other coworkers.

I was sick of following the rules. I felt bored as well. Following the plan everyone else had laid out for me. What else could I do with this life??

Let’s think: What’s the most adventurous, brave, wildly crazy thing I could possibly do.....

Move to New York City.

I was terrified, but I found a 3 month sublease, laid out a tentative plan in my head, prayed I would find a job within weeks of moving there, and bought the one way ticket.

I trusted immensely; I knew I had to do this.

NYC was college on stereroids. I worked way harder than I did in college, partied even harder, and made some wildly fun friends.

All on a salary of $50k in a closet apartment in Manhattan.

After a year of many tears, many difficult days and pushing myself to the brink of exhaustion, I finally broke.

Standing in Penn Station as I watched my daily commute train leave the platform, I pushed back some serious emotions, “FUCKKKKK THISSSS!!!” - I missed my train to work by *that* much.

Missing this train meant I had to wait an hour for the next one. I would be late. And the best part: the same thing happened yesterday.

Every thought about how I was a lousy employee, I deserved to be fired, how did I keep missing my trains, why can’t I be on time, etc. it all ran through my head.

I turned around and a lady appeared on the empty tracks in front of me. She said, “honey, looks like you weren’t supposed to be on that train.”

I stared at her dumbfounded and felt the tears coming.
I walked away and glanced back, only to see a completely empty track again.
It turned into hysterical sobs, walking through Penn Station needing desperately to get outside and breathe so it wouldn’t turn into a panick attack.

New York City woke me up.

My messenger angel.
In that moment I knew I had to leave this city.
But, I was giving up on my dream. How could I quit?? Why wasn’t I tough enough to handle this city? I felt disappointed in myself, like a failure. But I knew my time was up.

In my final months before leaving the city, I became extremely sensitive. My perspectives on life changed, the foods I liked changed, my hair changed, my body changed.

I didn’t know what was happening, but again I trusted. Moving back home proved to be the right move. I needed help.
I was extremely sick for about a year, with symptoms lasting until present day.

This sickness almost killed me, but simulatenously saved my life. It gave me the course correction I needed.

This time away from society forced me to go inward. I began to learn how to love myself. I began listening to myself. I began taking care of myself. I began investigating myself.

I explored my style, my authenticity, my voice, my needs, my likes, my dislikes, my intuition.
I learned how to rest, and say no. I learned that my achievements, and my work, do not define me.

I realized that exploring who I was internally, greatly affected how I expressed myself externally.

I also realized the Abby that existed was primarily a culimination of external forces. With lots of choices made out of the desire to fit in, to be liked, to please others.

So.....who is Abby?
She is a girl that loves depth, introspection, creativity, imagination, childlike wonder, health, wellness, learning, growth, music, art, fashion, colors, adventure, traveling, languages.

She is extremely empathetic and intuitive.
But also logical and calculating.

She loves opposites; they create contrast that bring you a greater appreciation for the dichotomy of life.

City aggression and country charm.
Dark edgy black and girly pink sparkle.
Margot Robbie Barbie and Harley Quinn.
Laid back minimalism and over the top extra. Vintage thrifting and futuristic designer.
Tomboy sporty and fashion runway.
Art nights in and rave nights out.
Bright colors and monochromatic neutrals.
Light Christianty and Dark Spirituality.
High tech AI and remote quiet nature.
High heel shoes and comfy sneakers.

And for as many beautiful heels as she owns, you will rarely find her wearing them. Because a comfy pair of shoes allows her to walk far and dance all night long.

Dancing is important to me.
Music is important to me.

I’m learning on a daily basis what is important to me. And to what level. I am forever evolving.

Now that I have unraveled this new version of myself, I want to share her with the world.

I never expected art to bring me so much peace. But art brings you into the present moment. It allows you to express your pain, sorrow, trauma, burdens, darkness, anger, resentment, jealousy, happiness, joy, excitement, light, love and gratitude.

Words never seem to do these emotions any justice. What feels impossible to explain in words, comes close through art. It allows me to connect with other human beings and share in our similar experiences. There is a connection that leads to conversation and sometimes freidnship. For me, Art is healing.

I hope everyone gets the chance to meet Art.

Enneagram 4 (with hints of 1 + 2).

“My greatest discovery was my hands, and their ability to create.”

INTUITIVE ARTIST / NASHVILLE, TN / ABBYSTEIGER1@GMAIL.COM